Moonlight Beach 13.1

Boy oh boy, this is one of those that feels like it has much less to do with the race and more about all the other aspects of life that remind us we don’t train or compete in a vacuum. This race was supposed to be low hanging fruit for me. My best half marathon time leading up to this was 2:08. I have not been running half marathons for a few years, the last one I really tried at was 6 months after giving birth to my son and my goal there was to finish and celebrate what I am able to do. Then I skipped ahead to ultra distances and did run some halfs but really they were training or social runs, never thinking about pushing myself for time. So breaking the 2 hour barrier felt like it was just sitting there, waiting for me to take it. I knew I could with just a little bit of focused training and commitment to myself during the race.

Leading up to the race I had finally gotten some answers for some things that had been going on for a year or so. I was unable to do speedy workouts without wanting to barf, my fatigue felt like it was compounding, my muscles just not recovering like they should and getting my period (and all the discomfort that goes with that) every 3 weeks or less. Perimenopause! Yay! But truly, it was good news. In the final lead up to this race I had just begun a hormone treatment that leveled out a lot of those symptoms and I FINALLY felt like training was going my way. I felt like this race was going to be my victory when I took it all back and could start working on speed and put all of that behind me, I was really looking forward to it. I was focused on taking my goal and not letting anything get in my way.

Then my husband broke a rib. And I spent the day before the race in the ER with him and 2 kids. Not relaxing, not eating carbs, not eating or drinking much of anything except risky packaged sushi from a grocery store…. Not great decision making, but options were slim. Then came the caretaking for an incredibly painful break plus the usual kids. Not ideal, but this is real life. That night my husband was in incredible pain, and it kept me up the entire night. I think a generous estimate is that I slept an hour that night before the race.

Race day is race day, and nothing is perfect. Sure, I could have stayed home. But when you have  a family, what race lead up is perfect? None. So I was going to go with what I had available to me that day and not let myself give up on my goal. I was so freaking tired. If nothing else this would be practice in allowing myself to try because “what if….”

The race was going well, I was keeping pace and on target for my goal. I started to fade around mile 8, I was just so tired. I looked longingly at the sidewalk just wanting to lay down for a nap and then refocused my brain on what I was doing. “I only have today to do try this. I don’t get another shot tomorrow” “ I can take a nap after” “It’s just 2 hours of hard work, I have done much more than that before” . The last hill around mile 12 got the best of me and I took a walk break up the short hill, I had a hard time caring about any goals at that point. But then I was able to re-engage and remind myself that I had this one chance to lay it all out there. I finished with nothing left in the tank which is all I could ask for.

My time was 2:02. There is a small part of me that is sad I was so close and missed it (ahem, that walk break) but also I know I gave it my all and ran a full 6 minutes faster than I had ever before at that distance while also overcoming a lot. That is something I am proud of. And I know that it is true: that sub 2hr 13.1 is just sitting there waiting for me to take it. I will try again soon!